I’m so damn tired with all of this examinations thingy recently.

It feels like I have no air to breathe. I’m not the type of a diligent student you may imagine, but how awful if I got the worse scores during the test. So I did my best. And then, the result is... I got an excellent class! Yeay! I still just can’t believing. Then I think I need lots of refreshing. So to fill my spare time, I’d rather read comics and try to learn how to draw Mangaka. That’s how it works. By the way, I want to share something that no one could ever understand about me. The new and real me.

Now I know what it feels like to be Sumino-san.

I love being alone. I’d love to walk just by myself in the street, thinking so many stupid or maybe kinda proper thoughts. I don’t care if it’s rainy over there. As long as I’m alone, I won’t take it seriously.

I was realizing that I need no friends. I’m okay. I’m not pretend to be stronger or being such a jerky traitor. But deep down here, I feel not so okay with some problems that I can’t handle. I know, there are lots of ‘friends’ beside me. We know each other, play games together, and share much laughter. But I just understand what makes me feel this lonesome. I know they’re always there, but I just can’t feel them here. Friends are just another un-eternal things that come and go. It’s kinda waste efforts to act cool and nothing’s going.

It just happened and simply run like that through I’m trying to fix everything start from now on. I’ll forget about it and just be myself. My ‘own’ self. That everyone never realized before. That anyone would hate, and pass through times…

I need... To be found and saved too.

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds not of this earth and tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the way it was so worth it.

*****

That’s my only soundtrack of the week. I was just the waaay too mad to realize my unconditional feelings all over these years. Should I call it “A Beautiful Mess” or “Favourite Worst Nightmare? Because everything that I do made me going crazier. I’m going to fix my brain, first. Taking all chances for my biggest wish. I don’t know what should I do, so hard to do anything right.

I’m falling in “what-people-said-to-changed-their-interesting-word-forever” with my bestbud.

Oh wait, what’s this? A public confess? I was such being a jerky overt. I desperately don’t know what’s happening in my head that time. I just know that, without him, everything seems so plain yet bitter. It happens so quick, like a winding wind. My only question is: why do I feel this way, after two years we both stick together as a closest friend, and then this week, in only this week, I hope I can have you more than what friends took, with having many stupid thoughts all the time?

Jason Mraz was right. The only one answer of my deathly question is like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes". Dead.

Sometimes there are so many things in “heart and brain” I can’t understand. Sometimes I hate to be a “left-brain-cold-heart” woman. I think logically when people asked me to give them advice, but when I was trapped in those awkward situations, I think so desperately. So nuts. I hope God would like to give His best miracles to me. Haha.

Then yeees, I feel so retreaded all of this month. We all fasting! Yeah. Thanks God I’m alive.

……. I have nothing left to write, I’m out of here. Take care.

Baiklah. Mumpung ada waktu luang dan lagi rajin, kali ini updatean bakal lebih berisi.

Jadi intronya kira-kira seperti ini: pernah gak sih liat atau at least nonton di tv cowok-cowok Korea? Gimana pendapat lu tentang mereka? Pasti macem-macem juga ya. Tapi jangan salah, gak semua cewek suka cowok cute. Dan gak semua cowok cute suka cute cute cewek (yang gak ngerti plis diem aja). Sebagai contoh, gue merealisasikannya dengan percakapan nyata sama temen. Mungkin ini bisa jadi contoh umum apa yang bakal dikatakan cowok kalo mereka melihat cowok cute. Jangan kaget, temen gue yang errr… Agak jantan. Terakhir kali dicek. Namanya Ardhianto. Mari kita singkat jadi A.

Gue: To, menurut lu Kim Bum gimana?

A: Siapa tuh? Gua taunya Jisung Park. *mikir bentar* Oh iya! Kim Bum. Rabiesan. Semacam nama kelinci kampung. Yaa, mana gua tau gua cowok kali dah gua bilang ganteng.

Gue: Haha ayo dong. Gue mau taro pendapat lu di blog nih.

Keadaan sunyi sepi, hape gue tidak bervibrate selayaknya. Mendadak ada balesan…

A: Sejujurnya dari hati gua, ya gua yang paling ganteng.

Gue merasa ada sesuatu yang sangat salah dari temen gue yang satu ini. Entah apa, tapi coba kawan kita lihat perbandingannya…

menengok ke arah yang sama. tetapi kenapa nasibnya berbeda?

Factor face. Ini sesuatu yang harusnya tidak terjadi. Sedangkan gue tanya sama sepuluh cewek di sekolah, dan tujuh dari mereka setuju kalo cowok Korea itu cute, bukan gay. Emang factor iklim sama negara, kali ya. makanya mereka cenderung lebih putih dari cewek-cewek Indonesia bahkan. What’s wrong? Selera orang gak pernah bisa dikompromikan, karena sekali lagi, yang ngejalanin hidup ya mereka bukan kita. But at least, kalo emang dia cute, jangan sekali-kali ngatain dia gay. Dan kalo dia gay, dia udah pasti gak cute.

*****

Segitu dulu pembicaraan kita dengan gay dan cute. Sekarang gue pengen mengucapkan Selamat Menjalankan Ibadah Puasa, dan HUT RI ke-65. Sayangnya gue bukan tipe orang pure nasionalis dan religious, jadi cukup ucapin lewat hati aja. Thanks for visit, I never hate comments for sure. J